OMG!!! JAYSON WERTH IS NOW AFRICAN AMERICAN!!!

And now that we have your attention… here is what that ridiculous title means…

"If that ball drops in for a single I am going to be quite infuriated. I won't settle for anything less than a double."

As the title tells us in a very non-politically correct way, we may have found the second coming of Jayson Werth in our little Stanford Cardinal (Except hes in no way little and he better not leave us for a lot of money/losses). Yes, that’s right, the incredibly intelligent Ivy League man is showing in a big way that he can perform on a daily basis in the outfield.  Since Opening Day, in which he hit a walk off single versus the Houston Astros, John Mayberry Jr. has been finding a way to get the big hit and make a big impact for this talented World Series ready club. He also has the ability to become a super utility man when needed as seen when he filled in for Ryan Howard at 1^st, Raul Ibanez in LF, Ben Francisco in RF (Before we acquired the right hand hitting God), and extremely valuable time filling in for Shane Victorino in CF. Mayberry (Power) was acquired in a trade with the Texas Rangers swapping “speed for power” as Big Rube called it, when we sent Greg Golson (Speed) to the Rangers (Once again proving he is the best GM in the bizzzz). Since then, I would say that the deal has worked out better for the Phillies than the Rangers, since Golson is no longer there and not on a Major League roster. But let’s take a look at some of the numbers since we recalled Johnny May from the minors.

A long long time ago, roughly two months ago to be precise, in a ballpark near you, there was a mythical creature who was promoted from being an Iron Pig to being a Phillie, and that is where the story begins. Okay, that was gay, we’re sorry, but since July 5^th when Mayberry was recalled and Vanimal was sent down, John Mayberry has turned the corner at the plate. When he was designated, he was struggling a bit to find his offensive groove, but since then, he has done it all.  He tweaked his stance which went from tall and slow to more compact and less slow, and that has translated well for Johnny May. Big John has been 26 for 82 (.317 BA) with 8 doubles, 1 triple, 8 HRs and 27 RBIs since the “great knee bend incident”. Oh yeah, lets add in there 4 BBs and a SB just for good measure too. Not to mention, he also plays solid defensively whether it is tracking down the ball in the outfield or digging a throw out of the dirt, he does it all.

The only question that John Mayberry Jr has left for the Phillies to contemplate is, should he replace Raul right away or just platoon him in there for Rightie/Leftie, Leftie/Rightie matchups? The one answer that is for certain is the John Mayberry has hit his way into Charlie Manuel’s lineup and isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

Angry Today? Don't Worry... We Can Still Bash the Nats

We know that everyone right now is sulking on this dreary Sunday night just like us. It isn't because of the weather, although it doesn't help that the weather blows after the Phils blew today. Hell, if it wasn't for the weather, Doc was mowing people down today after a rough 1st inning. But the real reason was that it's absolutely terrible to have to watch those degenerates and AA ballplayers beat us - especially when their fans (if they actually have any) can't even fill 100 seats in their own stadium. But let's take a second and still take a look at just how pathetic the NATINALS are to make us feel just a little bit better...

We had the pleasure of getting to watch the Nationals' broadcast on MASNTV and the pleasure of getting to listen to the Nationals' radio broadcast today, and they were both giant jokes.

First off - MASN stands for 'Mid-Atlantic Sports Network' but the clever marketing people have decided to give themselves a new nickname via commercials 'MAXIMUM ACCESS to SPORTS NETWORK'. Wow, sign us up for for that network considering your marketing people have now sucked us in. Oh wait, you still cover the Nationals and Orioles - we'll pass, thanks.
Speaking of MASN, their announcers had an interesting game plan today. As soon as they could smell bad weather today in the 4th inning and Doc was cruising, they began hoping that they could get a rain delay so that Doc wouldn't be able to continue when the game resumed. The two knuckleheads were literally pleading with the weather to hurry up and open the skies before the 5th inning was over and the game became official. We've never heard two grown men whine like that because that was the only way that they actually had enough faith to believe that the Nats could get a W. MASN apparently has made great marketing AND PERSONNEL decisions...

Great marketing... Note all of the people they had to pay A LOT of money to actually wear Nationals' gear...

Secondly, we've got the radio crew. They spent the last inning (probably longer, but we didn't listen the whole game) complaining about how disgraceful it was that Phillies' fans engulfed the stadium and were cheering. In one respect, they're right. It's a complete disgrace that we own CBP South so badly. On the other hand, REALLY? They should just be happy that they have fans in the stands for once. Without Phillies games, they would forget what the sound of cheering was. Not to mention, if the Nats make any money this year (even with profit-sharing), it will be solely from the money we use to buy tickets and the Werth t-shirt jerseys that we buy just so we can burn them.

In fact, YOU'RE WELCOME, WASHINGTON. Ungrateful, pricks.

Regardless, fear not Philadelphia Phillies' fans... They can all celebrate their series win, but they're still embarrassing and still about 300 games out of first. Don't forget the factor that the rain played this weekend in stopping our great starting pitchers, and take deep breaths - it will all be just fine.

The Great News about Embarrassment

Breaking News from a few days ago…

The Eagles got destroyed on Thursday night by what apparently is the world’s greatest team: The Pittsburgh Steelers.

There are a couple of things to keep in mind about just how bad Thursday night was for the team we affectionately know as the Birds…

-       Michael Vick had 3 interceptions (impressive in just ½ a game)
-   Dion Lewis (who looked great in the 1^st preseason game) had 1 fumble

-       Michael Vick had a passer rating of 13.1 (wow)

-       The defense gave up 403 yards of total offense

-       Our all-star secondary got torched for 3 TDs

We’ll be honest – on the surface (and deeper) this was just a terrible performance.

But with all of this, comes a silver lining, and we here at continuedsuccessphilly like to look at that silver lining as often as possible. SO… Here goes nothing…

This was the slap in the face that this team needed. Badly. This team looked like anything but the ‘dream team’ the other night, and maybe now guys like Vince Young will keep their mouths shut so that they don’t continue to paint giant targets on their backs.  The last thing this team needs is to give anybody bulletin board material. We are already garnering Miami Heat comparisons, and opening our mouths and talking about it will only drive other teams to get fired up for us. Everyone keeps talking about the potential of what this team can become, but we are not going to get there unless everyone keeps their asses in the film room and working hard. Talking about it (as the Miami Heat showed us) has nothing to do with the final product. If they gave championships for hype, the Heat and the Eagles would already be crowned champions for the next 3 or 4 years, but they don’t (shocker). 

Not only should this serve as proof to for keeping mouths closed, but also the humble pie that they received should force them to work harder. Remember the last time you talked a big game and then got beat by your in-state rivals AT WHAT YOU GET PAID TO DO? We don’t (Except for that National Monopoly Championship that one time, but that’s another story). But now the Eagles do. And guess what – it should definitely have pissed them off. If any of these guys were thinking that they could just show up and win with talent, they better think again. Anyone that started easing off of the throttle in camp needs to reassess what they’re doing, and we’re pretty sure that they started doing that as of Friday because no one is going to want to feel that shitty again all season.

Finally, the last bit of unknown, good news is…

They were all hammered the whole game. That’s right – this was a complete fluke. Could a molester, a ‘Dancing with the Stars’ winner, and a peewee offensive line really put up numbers like that on us? (Probably not) The only explanation is that Mike Vick and the boys all went out way too hard literally right before game time. We can only imagine how hard it was to play in an actual game with all of the liquor in their systems. In all honesty, that was pretty freaking good considering that latest bit of information – almost heroic, actually. Phew, what a load off of our minds.

Look, we had to lose at some point. Let’s just be thankful that they get it out of the way now and just iron out details for the REAL season. This really is No Big Deal.

Change of Plans: Battle of the Bands at CBP tonight

Tonight at the Battle of the Bands:

Chase Utley and the Underdogs

"1, 2 Mic checkkkkkkk."

VS.

The DiamondHacks

We're not clever... 

In case you missed the numerous reports, the lineup for the Phils tonight should be interesting to watch. Howard is out due to what he is calling a "hand strain", Victorino started serving his two game suspension that shouldn't have happened, Ruiz is out due to "bruised testicles", and as usual Polanco is still out due to his sports hernia. All of these injuries at once leaves us three real mainstays Pence, Rollins, and Utley. I had to make Utley the lead man of the band of the three for obvious reasons. Rollins is still good, but not the leader like Chase, and Pence you may ask? Have you seen Pence throw? Have you seen Pence swing? Have you seen Pence run? Exactly, he gets the job done, but look at those three examples as to how awkward he is. Plus, he just makes us laugh way too much to make him the cover band. This motley crew will be facing a 15-3 pitcher Ian Kennedy who last time out versus the Phightins threw a complete game shutout with 10 strikeouts. Soooo.... obviously it should be an adventure. Without any further blabbering... heres the lineup for tonight:

1. Jimmy Rollins, SS

2. John Mayberry Jr, CF

3. Chase Utley, 2B

4. Hunter Pence, RF

5. Raul Ibanez, LF

6. Ross Gload, 1B

7. Brian Schneider, C

8. Wilson Valdez, 3B

9. Vance Worley, P Complete Animal

ENJOY!

Excuse me, is the Doc(tor) in?

"I am THE most dominant pitcher in Major League Baseball, bitches."

Okay, so you had to know this was coming, because every person with a pulse in the tri-state area is talking about it, so lets dive right in. Should Charlie Manuel have left Doc Halladay in the game in the ninth last night? The answer is… Maybe. We want everyone in the tri-state area to shut up. Everyone’s opinion is good, bad, wrong, and right. As they say, hindsight is 20/20, and that’s exactly what every "experts'" analysis of last night was. So, lets take a close look at the two major options and what could have happened:

Option 1: El Bastard/Mad Dog come into the game

"Mira! Un beisbol!"

It doesn’t matter whether you argue that one of these guys should have come in for the whole 9^th, after one hit, or after two hits, because they could have all come out the exact same. If one of these guys comes in, we could have seen a rested bullpen player come in and possibly dominate the competition. It could have been a 1,2,3 inning or one of these guys could have come in and gotten out of the trouble Roy had gotten into and looked like geniuses. It would have been nice to see Bastardo get into a REAL pressure situation and see if he can get his way out. He has been great all year, but those pressure situations are what really earn a reliever the big money and it would have been nice to see just how much we have with this kid. Can we rely on him in the playoffs? Is he the closer of the future that can handle the pressure? These are things we need to know before Mad Dog becomes a free agent. The other possible outcome could have been the complete opposite, in which we see one of these guys fall apart and today we are still all chewing out Charlie Manuel for making a bad decision. If this happens, who knows how Bastardo or Madson react (broken toe?) and it could hurt our bullpen for the rest of the season.

Option 2: The Doctor is in.

"What the hell did you say? It goes like this, 'Look! A Baseball!'"

This is what happened, and this is how the game ended. Roy stayed in the game and we all know how it unfolded. He made some bad pitches and ended up giving up the lead in the 9^th inning. Lets break down that decision a little bit though. Even though we all got on Charlie for the decision, does anyone remember how well Halladay pitched prior to the 9^th? He had retired 12 batters in a row and 8 of those 12, he struck out. Which is pretty dominant, he was cruising at that point. Then, lets talk about the second point, his pitch count. After 8 innings, he had thrown 100 pitches exactly. Yeah, and your point? This is THE Doctor. He has thrown more than 100 pitches so many times in his career, what is one more time? No one is crazy about the possibility of Roy getting hurt, but he could just as easily get hurt throwing a curveball in the first inning than throwing a fastball in the 9^th. And what if Halladay had finished that masterpiece and walked away with another complete game win? Today every talk show or sports show would be laughing about how good ole’ Uncle Cholly stuck with his man and it paid off yet again. How Cholly’s loyalty to Roy is amazing and unmatched. This is something that could have happened and based on past performances, was very likely to happen again.

After all of this, it comes down to one truth: How many World Series have you won for the Phillies? Exactly, so shut up and lay off old Uncle Cholly. The man may not always make the best pitching decisions in the world, but it has done him right so far in his career as a manager, at least we think so. Hindsight is 20/20, but since you can’t tell the future, and neither can we, let the manager manage, the players play, and the chips fall where they may as we all take a ride through this amazing Phillies’ season.

Please Just End It.

We were at a wedding this weekend, which got us to thinking about matches made in heaven. Usually for the city of Philadelphia that means gritty, hardworking underdogs that will play with a broken face if the damn trainers would stop coddling them.  Or just guys like Chase Utley that literally runs full sprint even to and from his car before and after the game.

On the other hand, we prefer to look at matches that just aren’t working. It’s those situations that just make you want to turn off the TV because something just isn’t right, and it’s making everyone feel uncomfortable and awkward. Without wasting a lot of time, here are the top couples in Philadelphia that just need a divorce:

Wheels and T-Mac.(Or Wheels and the Phillies’ Broadcasts altogether) 

Everyone relax. This is nothing against T-Mac. We love him and we think most people do (if not, we don’t really care). This has so much more to do with Wheels. Apparently, he is a staple of baseball in Philadelphia, but we still haven’t really met anyone that is in love with the guy. We’d rather listen to just T-Mac talk for 3 hours or better yet, give us Sarge for a full 9 (dream come true). L.A. and Franzke would be upgrades too. Literally anybody else. Hell, grab some random guy in Section 104 Row 18. Done. He’s got the job as far as we’re concerned.

Wheels doesn’t always seem entirely enthused, entirely there and he’s just not exciting. He constantly mulls over the defensive formations and then drones on about them. He typically just loves to assume that everyone is playing some fantasy ‘no doubles defensive alignment’ that he imagines. The big problem is that before the first pitch of a game Wheels is already pointing that out… I guess the outfielders are pretty worried about giving up that leadoff double in the 1^st inning… Oh yeah, and one final critique: Wheels is constantly cocky enough to sit up in his booth and pretend to get all of the answers right on the award-winning Phillies’ in-game activity ‘Stump the Fans’. We’re pretty sure that Wheels arrogantly just looks up the answers and convinces us all that he is a wealth of knowledge. He’s more likely to be a part-time underwear model (Good luck getting rid of that thought when you’re trying to go to bed) than he is to get all of those answers right.

Eric Snow and Marc Zumoff (Or, again, just E. Snow and basketball broadcasts)

(Someone doesn't look happy with their partner - Awkward)

First of all, here is the first official Sixers’ reference of the blog. Take a second to soak this in and enjoy it. It’s a monumental moment that you’re taking part in. Anyway, E. Snow is awful. We’re sorry to have to say that because the city loved you as a player, Eric. You were on the only exciting Philadelphia 76ers team of the 2000’s, but you just can’t be an NBA announcer. The man doesn’t sound like he really knows what’s going on and even if he does, we can’t tell because we’re never sure what he’s saying. If that wasn’t bad enough, there is actually physical proof of him falling asleep with the Mayor Marc Zumoff...

E. Snow and Zumoff just don’t have any fun banter or joking either (not that it’s easy to keep it light when talking about the Sixers). It really feels like the two of them just aren’t having fun with each other or the game. DO SOMETHING. SUCK US IN. WE WANT YOUR PASSION AND FUN-LOVING NATURE TO ATTRACT US TO THE GAME. You have given us nothing. We blame E. Snow.

ETN and Eagles’ Games 

That’s right. Our biggest issue with the Eagles Television Network is that they broadcast Eagles’ games. We love homers as much as the next guy, and believe us, Don Tolefson is a homer if nothing else, but their homers are tragic and awful at their jobs. The broadcasts just look unprofessional and they just grab local TV personalities that I’m pretty sure couldn’t tell you how to hold a football let alone how to throw a 10-yard buttonhook.

(Here's some help from a real pro, ETN. You're welcome.)

You’d think that getting a specialist and former player to talk on air would help there cause, but wait, they picked Brian Baldinger. Are you kidding us? Brian Baldinger? That was your guy? Another genius move made by the brain trust of ETN. That is actually the equivalent of King Dunlap taking over 10 years from now and talking about the game of football. Look into your hearts and ask yourselves if you really want that. We bet the answer is ‘no’.

We know what you’re thinking – they pretty much only do preseason games, so, what’s the harm? In all seriousness, it doesn’t matter. You were even bad enough to ruin a preseason game for us. We’re scarred for life because of your broadcasts. Thank you for ruining one of our favorite sports, ETN. You’re a gem.

Any way you cut it, these are all situations where it would be better if Daddy just hit Mommy and ended the entire thing even if it’s with a brutal divorce. 

What did we learn from the "Dream Team's" first preseason game?

1. Jim Washburn is Amaz-ridic-unbelievable

Yeah thats right, he is so good we had to invent a new word just for him.

The most important thing that we learned on Thursday was that Jim Washburn’s capabilities as a defensive line coach may have been underestimated. Yes, you read it right UNDERESTIMATED, because as much as we talked about him in the offseason, the defensive line played so well that they made him look better than we could have ever imagined. From the very first defensive snap, you could see everyone on the line getting into their man and getting into the backfield. All 6 sacks were by our defensive line, but that stat doesn’t tell the whole story. The only way you could see the whole story is if you watched the game and saw how dominant this line was on every snap so its pointless to talk about it, watch the replay of the game Sunday at 3:00 PM on CSN and see how amazing it truly was. All we can say is, if this continues, you will see multiple Eagles’ D-linemen on the Pro Bowl squad and a defense in general that can dominate any offense, especially the Patriots in the Super Bowl.

2. Casey Matthews still needs a little work

"Owen, will you let me go already? Im trying to go make a play on the ball."

I think Matthews still has time to get sharp before the season, but he definitely showed some glaring weaknesses on Thursday. He did seem comfortable as a leader out there, which is a good sign, but the biggest thing I saw that needed help was his run stopping capability. On a lot of the running plays, you could visibly see Casey having a tough time shedding the block to get to the next level. He was staying engaged with the lineman so long that its easy to believe that if that continues, we could see some long runs breaking through the line. While this would be good because we could see some monster hits from Jaiquawn Jarrett on the RBs, it may lead to a lot of long touchdowns. We still firmly believe Casey is going to be a good MLB for the Eagles eventually, he just needs a litte more work with the coaches. But, don’t be surprised that if this part of his game does not improve, you will see some more of Jamar Chaney and other LB’s mixing in there. This is an all or nothing season, so don’t expect the management or coaches to wait too long for the kid to come around.

3. No Maclin, No Jackson, No problem?

"I derive most of my strength from my beautiful golden locks."

Let’s be honest, everyone wants Desean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin in the game, but did you see how good we were without our two superstar receivers? In that first drive alone, we had big plays by Avant, Chad Hall, and Riley Cooper. Cooper only had one catch, but he jumped up out of his seat like someone was about to cut his gorgeous golden locks. Avant made a solid catch in some traffic, which is what Philly phans have come to expect from him. Chad Hall is once again doing things that a guy his size maybe shouldn’t be able to do. He caught the ball in some tight spots and took a couple big hits. Vick did a great job of showing his inner Donovan McNabb by taking a lot of nobody receivers and still looking like an all-star quarterback. Of course we all want the two explosive superstars back in the lineup, but if for some reason we can’t get them back… we have a feeling we can survive without them.

4. Do we have a legitimate 3-headed monster in the backfield?

The middle one is Lesean and his right head man is Ronnie Brown. Dion Lewis is the third string guy on his left.

Okay, I know a couple people may call us crazy, but we think there is a legitmate chance that the three runningbacks that we have back there may be a new age trifecta of power. On Thursday, we didn’t see much from Shady McCoy, but we all know what he can do. The real things we saw were from Ronnie Brown and Dion Lewis. Ronnie looked like a healthy, explosive, between the tackles runner. He showed his speed and strength are still there and got pretty elusive on a couple plays. On the other hand, Dion Lewis was kind of a pleasant surprise. He showed good vision on the field, and for being a small guy, did a pretty nice job of picking up the blitz. He is the type of guy that can turn a broken play into a big gainer with his speed and athleticism. Now, we don’t anticipate Lewis getting too many carries this season, with a majority of the carries going to McCoy and Brown, but if there is a big change of pace needed, he might get a couple touches a game. If these three runningbacks all play up to the level they did on Thursday, look for a well-balanced offense that will scare opposing defenses in so many ways for the upcoming season.

5. New right side of the offensive line getting it done.

"I didn't realize how bad everyone else in the NFL was besides me."

In the first amazing offensive series for the Philadelphia Eagles, we don’t know if anyone else noticed, but the Eagles ACTUALLY converted a 3^rd and 1. AND it wasn’t by throwing or running some trick play out of the backfield, we just ran it straight ahead with Owen Schmitt behind Ryan Harris and Danny Watkins. If this doesn’t shock you, then you don’t know Eagles football very well. For the past several years, we have had a lot of trouble converting short yardage type plays, and within one game with our newly constructed offensive line, we convert on our first attempt. Harris and Watkins, if they didn’t before, now have a ton of confidence from Howard Mudd and Andy Reid to get the job done when need be. They looked like veterans who were comfortable and dominant throughout their time in the game. The whole offensive line looked like they are going to be tough for opposing teams to deal with all season and that no doubt comes from the addition of two sturdy pieces like Harris and Watkins. They were incredibly impressive and that means that Michael Vick stays off the ground and keeps sprinting this offense towards a Super Bowl.