Chase Utley is to Citi Field as (Blank) is to Chavez Ravine...

Don't worry I promise the answer to the blank is not this loser.

Okay, so for those of you who don’t know what that title is… its from third grade grammar and its called an analogy. First, lets break the concept of analogy down a little bit for our slower readers. An analogy compares to things that are very much alike in an easy and explainable way for all. So, in order to fill in the blank for the title of the story, we have to determine what the first part means and then find a comparable counterpart. Chase Utley dominates Citi Field in such a way that not only is he hated there immensely, but he has his own corner as many locals and Phillies fans alike will call “Utley’s Corner”. That is obviously the right field porch where Utley destroys the likes of Johan Santana (When hes not in jail or on the DL), Francisco Rodriguez (When he was still with the team and when he wasn’t in jail), and finally Mike Pelfrey (This says it all, no joke needed). Utley’s numbers may not be the most gleaming there, but its about the intangibles that he has brought to that ballpark in New York in general, whether it was big hits or just big plays.

Now that we have broken down the first part of the analogy, we have to use these clues to place a name in the blank of an individual who has huge games, huge plays, and huge at bats in Dodgers Stadium. If we look at stats, we do see one name that sticks out. He is batting a solid .314 with 2 doubles 2 three baggers and 3 homeruns. As we look further into it, we see this player has had some memorable moments there in the past. Whether it was when he wouldn’t stand down versus the likes of that Poor Man's Bruce Chen as he threw a fastball right over his head or hitting a huge homerun in Game 4 of the LCS to tie the game in the 8^th inning, he always seems to be in the thick of things in Los Angeles. I mean, if it wasn’t for him, the likes of Matt Stairs’ Moonshot, may not have ever happened or even have been possible. The fans at Chavez Ravine even love him so much that they Boo him whenever he approaches the plate, which is a sign of flattery for the All-Star outfielder. Although, it doesn’t bother him much. I mean, who would be bothered by 45 people booing you between the 3^rd and 6^th inning anyway?

"Yes guys, its me, Im the answer. Don't be so stupid."

So after all of our deductive reasoning we have come to the legitimate and worthy answer: Shane Victorino. We knew you would get there on your own, but we figured we’d throw it out there anyway. The man has established himself not only as a hero to Phillie fans, but also a villain to Dodgers fans, which is what really makes a player special. Becoming a villain in an away ballpark is the sincerest form of respect from an opposing fan base. And if that is the case, keep booing Los Angeles, in fact, we hope every fan base in every city boos the Phillies for the next 5 years. Because that means that we are respected, feared, and hated for our winning ways. Keep it going, Shane, and all the Phillies for that matter, so that we can see more analogies like this:

Chase Utley is to Citi Field as Shane Victorino is to Chavez Ravine as the Philadelphia Phillies are to Major League Baseball.

Ranking the Power Rankings

It’s that time of year again – the start of the NFL season is around the corner. This means that a whole bunch of people at ESPN get paid to watch football (tough job, there) and critique every moving part of every team. Whether they do it effectively or not is another story altogether, but either way we’re going to talk about it.

That’s right. The NFL PREASON POWER RANKINGS ARE OUT!

Everyone relax- we know you feel like it would need to be December 25^th and you would have to run down and look under the tree for a present like this, but we’ll just give you a brief summary now.

Here’s your top 10:

1.     Packers

2.     Patriots

3.     Eagles

4.     Saints

5.     Steelers

6.     Falcons

7.     Jets

8.     Colts

9.     Ravens

10. Chargers

This actually is a pretty good ranking although we do have some critiques of our own…

First thing’s first: THE EAGLES SHOULD BE #1… WHAT THE HECK ARE THEY DOING AT ESPN?! THIS WAS A NO-BRAINER… (just kidding) The Eagles, on paper, are a phenom in the making, but they still have a lot to prove. There is a lot of cohesion to happen still, and they have a lot of moving parts that still need to fit together perfectly. But regardless of what you say about Andy Reid, we're strong believers in him as a coach. He’s a player’s coach and a loyal guy and a guy that players will play for. Not just play, but bust their asses. He also has enough clout as a coach in the league to garner the respect of these new guys in the locker room quickly. Just give Big Red some time. If anyone is going to whip these guys into shape, it’s him. Not to mention that this team has put a big target on their backs, and if anything will pull a group of guys together, it’s the 'us against the world’ mentality. (Let’s hope this actually all takes and we're not just talking out of our backsides) Either way, 3^rd in the power rankings is a fair spot at this point, if not a little generous.

The Packers are definitely the team to beat – they are the world champs, but take a second to look beyond that. Are they good? Yes. Are they incredible? No. Don’t forget the Packers almost didn’t make the playoffs last year. We’ve seen teams catch fire in the past and come on strong to win a Super Bowl. It’s not out of the question. Lets not forget the fact that the NY Giants actually beat the undefeated Patriots a few years ago in a game that we still can’t believe actually happened (Believe in Miracles?). The Giants were and still are (in our opinion) pretty awful. Lightning strikes, but for the Packers, will it strike twice?

Final Quick Hits on the Rankings in the top 10:

The Bears should be in the top 10 – they are still complete, with or without Olin Kreutz. They have a good running game (that added a VERY capable Marion Barber to an already good back in Forte), a wrecking-ball defense, and a QB that is at times frustrating but still above average.  (Oh, not to mention a guy named Devin Hester returning kicks)

If the Bears should be in, we would boot the Colts. We know you can’t go wrong with Peyton Manning, but we've never been sold on their stable of running backs that always seem to be ‘proven’, but continually cycle in and out of starting roles. Not to mention an always-shaky defense and a team that is continually getting dinged up. Yes, Peyton Manning is unreal. He almost made this team look good last year with almost none of his offensive starters, but he can’t do everything.

Finally, the Ravens and Chargers are too low. The Chargers have a great QB and seem to be RIGHT THERE every year before they inevitably fall apart. Their ranking at 10 might be fair, but we have to believe that they are due to put it together this year. Not to mention, we're hoping for a strong Sophomore campaign from Ryan Matthews at RB. The Ravens are too good too. Flacco has a stable of receivers and a good strong back in Ricky Williams that was already added to a pretty good back you may have heard of – Ray Rice. And then, there is always that defense that seems to more than handle its share of the load. They’re good.

Here are two teams that we hope everyone is wrong about:

The Detroit Lions. They are too talented and just need to break that ‘can’t win’ mentality. Ndamukong Suh and Nick Fairley should dominate most (probably all) offensive lines. Matt Stafford is just good enough (if not a little better than that) if he can just stay healthy.  They also have a freak in Calvin Johnson catching the rock and about 9 healthy, young running backs that are very good (I’m exaggerating, but they have a lot). We feel like we could go on forever talking about them, and with our strong points, they seem like they should be favorites for the Super Bowl. But oh, wait, they’re the Detroit Lions – they need to shake that sentiment.

The Arizona Cardinals. Those of you that know us know that we love Kevin Kolb. Michael Vick is phenomenal, but we wanted Kevin to succeed in Philly so badly. He’s just insanely accurate, and with the services provided by Larry Fitzgerald, we can only assume that he has to do well (God, I hope so).  Don’t forget that they did something we loved in the 2^nd round and drafted a pretty talented Hokie running back in Ryan Williams. All that needs to be said is watch out for this kid. Williams and Beanie Wells make for an impressive looking young backfield.

Good Luck, Cards and Lions. God Speed.

Better to be lucky than good?

"That's it boys, we only get Hawaiian pizza for the postgame from now on. Shane has spoken."

Here is a look at what we learned from the “important” weekend series versus the Ginas (San Francisco not New York)

1. This is becoming one of the most intense rivalries in, not only the National League, but in Major League Baseball. If the Ginas keep acting like a bunch of crybabies every time they are losing by more than a couple of runs than these series could become all out wars. If Brian Wilson ever comes up to the plate, I hope Madson drills a fastball right between his legs (I know that really doesn’t have much to do with this part, but I just can’t stand that bearded asshole). And, if this becomes another postseason meeting, look for more exciting fireworks like this to keep happening.
2.  As the Ginas can attest to from last year in the playoffs, it may sometimes be better to be lucky than good. Last year, we can all be completely honest when we say, we were the better team and we should have won the World Series. However, Cody Ross got hot at the right time and our bats just got lost in a deep, dark cave never to return. This weekend was a similar occurrence. The Phillies did pound the 3^rd and 4^th pitchers, but look at the last two games of the series. In the 3^rd game, Cain pitched very well and could have come away with the win if they weren’t forced to play with a Single-A catcher for the remainder of the season.  The game could have gone into extras where it would have been anybody’s game. Finally, the last game of the series was a classic game for San Fran, hang on by a thread due to some great pitching and some situational hitting. If this were the playoffs, we are looking at a 2-2 series and it is still anybody’s to win. We did play extremely well, but still it could have gone very differently if Whiteside could catch a baseball.
3. This series in all honestly meant absolutely nothing. It was a lot of fun to talk about and see how both teams stacked up, but when it gets to October, we don’t care if we swept the Giants in the regular season or got swept by them. In October, the real baseball is played and the games really matter. For the fans that jump up and down and claim that this is the most amazing thing ever, get over it. This was just another series that we won, like we did so many other times this year and last year, but if this year ends the same way last year did, we spent a lot of money for nothing.

On a side note, Shane Victorino is by far the heart of the Phillies. There are a lot of titles to give out: Jimmy is the Catalyst, Howard is the Big Piece, Chase is the Unquestioned Leader, but Shane is the Heart.  A clear example of this was the pitch that Ramon Ramirez threw at Shane. Remember when Hiroki Kuroda did the same thing? When teams have a problem with the Phillies, they go after one man and one man only, His Airness, the Flyin Hawaiian, Shane Victorino. They do this because he is the heart of the team, a juice guy that is connected with every member of the team.  (This was something that we learned this weekend also, but it wasn’t team wide, it was a solo person so we made it a side note instead of a number.)

These are a couple of the most important things that we learned this weekend. Let's hope that in the postseason, if we face the Giants yet again for the NL Crown, that we are just as lucky then as we were this weekend, or just as good, whatever gets us the Pennant.

Remember When...?

I’m hoping that ‘Remember when…?’ catches on as a new weekly post, but in all fairness it probably won’t, so just enjoy this one.

Remember when about two weeks ago everyone was whining about the Phillies’ offense and crying that they weren’t really good?

-I remember, and it was completely ridiculous. (just being honest…)

OK. First thing is first. Hunter Pence is a great addition to the offense, and yes, the offense went from 4.3 runs/game before his arrival to 5.5 runs/ game since he’s been a Phillie. We’re also 6-0 in that span. None of us are complaining about that. Let’s be fair though – it has literally been only 6 games since we’ve acquired him and this small sample size has made everyone and anyone that was complaining shut their mouths. That doesn’t make any sense.

Does everyone also remember the fact that prior to Pence’s arrival the Phillies were…

Oh yeah, THEY WERE 64-39! I’m not totally sure, but the last time I checked being 25 games over .500 wasn’t a bad thing…?

Ryan Howard was quoted on TV a few weeks ago saying the offense ‘scored enough runs to win games.’ He was completely right. The offense, no matter how bad you want to make it out to be, was still good enough to win 25 more games than it had lost. It all really boils down to the fact that we just enjoy (as a city) picking on a team to try and get perfection. I love the city for being die hard and gritty and it’s a great thought, but perfection is never going to happen.

Another case.

Jimmy Rollins goofs up and doesn’t run out a ball that he misjudged on a game against the Rockies this week. What happens for the next two days on Philadelphia radio shows and TV broadcasts? We all trash-talk him. Jimmy has been with the Phils through good times and especially through bad ones for too many years to count. In fact, let’s count. He has been wearing red pinstripes for 1601 games. He’s not perfect, but the guy has been busting his backside for us for too long. Give him a break. He said he made a mistake. Came Clean. Let’s just get over it.

Now, we’ll be the first to admit that when someone screws up – we love screaming at the TV. Everyone that has ever met us can attest to that. Nothing makes us happier. But with the Phils, we have the Blue-Chip Dream Team. This whole squad is just a good group of guys that have fun, put their heads down, get to work, and love playing the game. Instead of whining about the little inadequacies, sit back and enjoy the show. It’s not going to last forever…

Oh, and don’t forget, baseball is the only job in the world where you can succeed 30% of the time and be a complete rock star...  So, perfection is clearly not everything here.

Please- Come, Sit, Stay for a Super Bowl.

 Todd passing the torch of greatness to Randy? Possibly...

Philadelphia is a beautiful place to be these days. It's attracting anyone and anything looking for a big, shiny ring. One of these things may be, the one, the only, the future hall of famer… BRETT FAVRE! No, we’re just kidding, not even Smokin’ Joe and HowiEmazing would add another quarterback to the depth chart, but there may be another veteran “retiree” making his way to Philadelphia. Randy Moss may be pulling a Brett Favre and coming out of retirement to try and make a difference for THE contender of the 2011 NFL season. And of course, I am not talking about the Packers or the Patriots; I am talking about the Birds. There were reports from the Boston Herald on Wednesday that after Moss had officially retired, the Eagles offered him a contract anyway to try and bring him to the Nest for a year deal, which would officially end any speculation that we wouldn’t win the Super Bowl this year. Then, after those reports on Wednesday, local sports talk radio stations in the Philadelphia area had rumors swirling that Moss was spotted in a downtown steak house getting a nice dinner (which no doubt was a result of signing a million dollar deal). These are exciting, and may turn out to be complete bullshit, but lets for a second just speculate and dream that this is true. What would that mean for the Eagles as an offense?

1.     Remember that shitty year that Brent Celek had last year? Yeah, well if we can sign Randy Moss, that year will be a repressed memory just like I do with my memories of the Phillies growing up. Moss will bring size and strength into the red zone. Brent will be free to be covered by some second rate run stuffing linebacker who will undoubtedly lose his jock strap on the field with Celek’s athleticism. That will increase our red zone efficiency and improve our amount of wins by a lot of the course of an entire year.

2.     A second thought would be hopefully giving some of our receivers a bit of a rest. Lets be honest, we have three really good receivers right now (Jackson, Maclin, Avant), but that is all we have for right now. After that, the talent drops off tremendously (with the exception of Riley Cooper who will turn into a nasty redzone receiver with some more experience). This will give us the availability to swap out the receivers and as the game goes on, we will be fresher than the dbacks forced to cover our plethora of talented receivers. This will also help with the question marks surrounding Jackson and Maclin. If Maclin continues to fight illness throughout the year, who knows how much he will actually be able to give on a game by game basis. Also, if Jackson holds out and comes into camp late, we won’t know if he is in game shape right away and could need some breathers throughout the season. This could be a huge help for us.

3.     Finally, at this stage in Randy’s career hopefully he would be a good teacher to some of the younger receivers on the team. In particular, I would hope Riley Cooper would learn a lot from the future hall of famer. They can essentially be the same receiver- big, physical in the redzone with some speed and strength. It would be huge if Riley could continue to grow and learn how to play that receiver position from one of the all-time greats.

Now that all that has been said, this is completely dependent on the fact that Moss doesn’t come on the team and act like a complete asshole, which he has been known to do in the past. He has shown that he can be a ticking time bomb to any team, even one with as good a core as we have in Philly. As long as he doesn’t come on the team and yell at coaches or at the quarterback or at the nice man who brought free food to the team post game, than he could be a huge asset on a team that already has a ton of talent. If the rumors are true (and I did hear it from a reliable source, my buddy Matt who I work with), then we could be in for an exciting rollercoaster ride of an NFL season. 

R.I.P.

This blog has been very upbeat so far, but with tragedy comes the need to slow down and remember the things that have left us. With that, comes a moment of silence for the career of a legend...

Matt Wade Stairs' Career

1992-2011

Matt Stairs retired as a member of the Nationals' Organization in almost his 20th full year of service in Major League Baseball with 265 career homeruns. He spent time with a number of teams and was clearly known as a guy just lookin' to hit the long ball, and when he did, it was a beautiful thing. Watching Matt pinch-hit was fantastic because no matter what - everyone knew that he wanted one thing: a fastball to put in the right field bleachers. All of this had to come with some tough adversity considering he was born in Canada and was probably picked on for not wielding a hockey stick 24/7 (stupid Canadians).

Matt Stairs was a phenomenal, recent Philadelphia sports hero for really only one reason - his moonshot. But based on the fact that he hailed from the north, this is more than enough to make him a legend. Canada is really second-rate anyway so he is still probably their best commodity. Matt lifted the entire city up on his shoulders even if only for a few brief seconds.

The alternative is much worse. And when I say that I clearly am talking about the highest paid Canadian athlete of all-time who still blows and has done nothing exceptional for even a few seconds in his whole career. Sidenote: Is it really sinking in for everyone that Jason Bay (yes, that guy in left field for the Mets) is the highest paid athlete for an entire country? Yeah, me neither.

Anyway...

Matt has had a pretty impressive career. He has the most pinch-hit career home runs in MLB history at 23, and he also holds the MLB record for playing with the most teams (13). In our books, that makes him all-time.

Here's wishing you the best Matt, and we hope you can go back to your true passion soon...

We salute you.

Breaking News: Hunter Pence so good, he tries to make things easier for opposing pitchers.

"No, no, no, really, I want you to pitch. I like a challenge. Plus, you suck."

As you may have seen, Hunter Pence was so anxious to go up to the plate last night in Colorado that he “forgot” to take the doughnut off his bat before stepping to the plate. And by that, I of course mean that he felt bad for the ass he was about to face (PS I know it is hard to believe but I did NOT doctor that photo, Rex Brothers just looks THAT retarded). Since his teammates would not let him even the playing field with the doughnut, Pence graciously popped out to shortstop as a good faith gesture.  As you can see, he is not only an amazing baseball player, but also a humanitarian to say the least. Aside from the kind actions of Hunter Pence, lets see how the numbers stack up as of right now:

Since acquisition from Houston:

4 for 16 (including the first two at bats of tonight’s game) really 5 for 16 if Angel Hernandez wasn’t checking out the half naked guy in the bleachers during Pence’s first at bat. .250 BA with 2 doubles, 2 RBIs, and 1 walk. Not incredibly impressive, but solid numbers overall for a small sample size. Lets look at possible ripple effects for Hunter though.

Howard’s stats since acquisition of Pence:

6 for 16 (including the first two at bats of tonight’s game) .375 BA with 3 doubles, 2 HRs, 4 RBIs and 1 walk.

Overall offense:

Averaging 6.6 runs per game with Hunter in the lineup. As opposed to 5.14 runs per game the 7 games prior to the acquisition.

Not just pure numbers alone, but he is also a great clubhouse guy as it appears so far. He fits the hustle and grit of this team well, and continues to do amazing things. Just like telling Sarge post game, “Let’s Eat,” (That is only amazing, because, as you can tell by the name of the blog, we think everything Sarge says or is involved with is a pure miracle of life) and hustling on every play.

Now with such a small sample size, it’s hard to tell, but as of right now the numbers are slightly better with him in the lineup. Only time will tell as usual, but hopefully if this continues, we’ll see a World Series hoist at the end of the season. And as a great man once said, we will once again be "World Fucking Champions".